[ THE END ]

For more than two months now , i am living hell. I never thought something could damage me on a mental and physical way , in a way this damaged me. I never thought , i would end up every night , regretting , crying in remorse , reliving the parts of my childhood i wished to forget. Pain in an intension i wouldnt wish to my deepest enemies.

But maybe , just maybe.

This is the hell i had go through , to finally arrive in heaven. I never enjoyed myself more than right now , sitting at home , drinking cola and thinking about everything. I never felt so close to the people i love and who are important to me. I never felt such an longing to my freedom. 

There is noone who can help me , noone but myself. Even if i am still weak , not knowing what the future might hold up for me. Knowing that there will be breakdowns , there will be suicidical thoughts , there will be anxiety , i never was so ready to fight it. Fighting to be the person i wanted to be when i was younger , fighting to get my life , as i knew it back. With all problems , all bright sides , all wishes , all dissapointments.

I am ready to carry all consiquences. I am ready to deal with my thoughts , with the disease torturing me , the voices screaming in my head , the pictures i see when i close my eyes. 

Because none of this is worse than what ive been through the past two months.<<

I will be at home.
Recovering physically and mentaly.
Trying to fix my mind and my body on my own.
Licking my wounds.

-FR3AK